


to me you're like the sun

by nightcoast



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Crushes, F/M, First Kisses, Fluff, Pining, Pseudo-Incest, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love, childhood crushes, no beta we die like ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-09 19:32:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18923611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightcoast/pseuds/nightcoast
Summary: vanya feels warmer with him, lighter with him, and brighter with him.





	1. Chapter 1

Vanya thinks it all really started with a bang.

Well, with her banging her head  _ really hard _ on the hardwood floor that is.

One moments she's studying quietly in the library with one of the classical music records playing in the background that Grace kindly put on for her. She's about to solve another one of her math problems before she's suddenly pulled from her chair and onto the ground. Vanya feels her balance go right underneath her for a moment and panics right before the back of her head slams against something very hard.

She feels tear well up in her eyes unintentionally as the back of her head is throbbing and she's left disoriented on the ground. Vanya chokes on a sob, shutting her eyes in pain as she faintly hears someone curse quietly. A hand moves to muffle her mouth as she registers that there is  _ literally someone straddling her torso underneath her study desk oh, my god _ . Vanya wipes her eyes hastily and glances up with watery eyes to only see Five glancing around the library cautiously.

"Five!" She yelps, muffled by his hand.

"Shh! Be quiet!" He whispers hastily to her and crouches further into the alcove of her study desk. "Those assholes… Dad's making us place some shitty 'capture-the-flag' training all around the house and I'm all who's left-"

Vanya feels the dull throbbing on the back of her head ebb slightly but now all she can focus is just how uncomfortably close he is. The alcove isn't terribly big either, just barely fitting both of them as Five hovers over her just close enough where Vanya could see every little detail on his face. She feels her cheeks warms from embarrassment and moves to shift Five's hand off from covering her mouth.

She lowers her voice to a mere whisper, barely heard above the record player. "Five, what-?"

At that instance, the library door opens with a huge BANG, making Vanya jump slightly in surprise. Five curses quietly, attempting to push himself further into the darkness of the desk if at all possible. Vanya holds her breath and hears the soft murmuring of perhaps one or two people? Over the string symphony pouring from the record she could only hear bits and pieces.

"-don't think he's here."

"-music. Who else…here?"

"Look…desk?"

At that moment Vanya's heartbeat sped up, if she was assuming correctly by the approaching footsteps her siblings would eventually find Five underneath her desk. Even worse for her poor heart, they would find Five and her in a hugely awkward position. He was so close to her and she could feel how warm he was, probably from running around in the sun not too long ago. If she wanted to, Vanya could just barely make out the faint beginnings of freckles forming on the tops of his cheeks-

_ There's no time to be thinking like this _ ! Vanya glanced briefly again over at Five whose eyebrows were knitted together as they usually were when he was trying to come up with a plan.

And Vanya's mind panicked.

She attempted to shift away from Five, growing increasingly embarrassed and uncomfortable in the precarious position. Unfortunately, the shift in balance tips Five just enough to make him slip and bang his hand against the metal to keep from falling.

The footsteps freeze.

And Vanya really  _ really _ wants to crawl into a hole.

With her cheeks burning, she ignores the seething glare from Five and quickly mouths at him to  _ Shut Up! _ And practically throws herself out from the alcove. Vanya pathetically trips into her chair earning her what she can only guarantee another tender mark on her forehead.

"V-Vanya?"

Vanya turns behind her to the source of the voice seeing Allison's concern face just a few feet away from the front of her desk. "Oh, Allison! Diego!" Vanya blushes sheepishly as she rubs her bruise, "What are you guys doing here?"

"We were just looking for- Well, never mind that, are you okay?" Allison's voice drips with pity as she watches Vanya clumsily stand and rearrange her desk. Diego raises a suspicious eyebrow at her, his shoulders drop their tension realizing the source of the noise was probably just Vanya.

"Oh I'm fine. I just dropped my…pencil!" Vanya chuckled nervously, "You guys scared when you both came in. Are you doing your training exercises at the moment?"

"Yeah, just a variation of one," Diego says tilting his head. "Have you seen Five pass through here?"

Vanya swears her heartbeat kicks up a few notches and she's extremely glad none of her siblings have super-hearing or anything like that. "N-no, it's just been me in here since breakfast."

A seconds of silence between them go by and Vanya swears she feels Five shift quietly underneath her desk. She fidgets nervously.  _ Why is she covering for Five anyway? _

"Huh, alright then. Well, we have to get back now," Allison sighs and starts moving back towards the door to exit. "We'll see you at lunch, alright Vanya?"

Diego follows Allision out just before nodding his head in a farewell as Vanya waves goodbye half-heartedly. Once the door closes Vanya falls back on her chair giving a sigh of relief. She covers her eyes, trying to will her rapid heart to _ please _ calm down. Any faster and she swears it might actually burst from her chest.

"You're not a very good liar you know."

Five's voice is suddenly too close to her and she snaps her eyes open in surprise. "Five!"

He's leaning over her, giving her an amused smirk. "I suppose I should thank you then, if not for your…performance, I would've lost this training session."

_ He's way to close now. _ She thinks to herself and sinks further into the chair.  _ What's with him and personal space all of a sudden? _

"Running away Vanya? Hard to runaway…into a chair," Five smirks, now straightening to his full height.

Vanya rolls her eyes and fixes her posture once he gives her enough room to finally  _ breathe _ . She glances from him as he takes special interest in her homework and the now closed door of the library. Five's distracted once again as his eyebrows furrow over the scratch work she's done. He's about to open his mouth to say something when Vanya clears her throat to get his attention.

"Shouldn't you get going?" Vanya huffs, hiding her scribbled equations from his sight, "They might come back here and all that hiding would all be for nothing, you know."

He stares at her for a beat before sighing. "That's true, I guess I just want to delay the inevitable."

Vanya blinks. The inevitable of winning or losing? Or perhaps more tricks up their father's sleeves, ones she's never been privy to knowing? "Well, I guess you can stay here if you want. Just as long as you hide, I don't mind." She says quietly, rubbing the tender spot at the back of her head.

Five looks at her strangely again, causing her to blush deeply. He was acting weird today, Vanya had never seen him so intent on focusing so much attention on her. Usually he was busy talking about his own interests which Vanya was content letting him do all the talking. Perhaps she's just being too self-conscious? Allision did say she really needed to start building up her confidence. She fidgeted nervously, peeking up at him. "Five?"

He snapped out of his trance almost immediately at the sound of her voice. "Right," Five cleared his throat for a moment. "Thanks for the offer but I should get going. You should get Grace to check your injury just in case, might leave a bruise or too." He ran his fingers through his hair shifting from one leg to the other.

"Oh, sure-"

"And if you need help on your math homework, don't be afraid to ask me."

Vanya stilled. How odd, Five usually never offered his help. When it came to interacting with his other siblings he'd always have a sharp retort to give right back at them. She gave a light chuckle, "Are you implying that I'm bad at math, Five? Was my scratch work really that horrible?"

Five rolled his eyes, but Vanya swore in the afternoon light that she could see his cheeks were slightly red. Maybe it was from the warmth of the sun. "I'm not implying anything like that, you just seem to be taking a long time on some of the problems. That's all."

"Oh?" Vanya raised an eyebrow at him, "Unfortunately, Five, we can't all be quick-thinking geniuses in this house. Some of us have to take the time to properly solve things."

"You think I'm a quick-thinking genius?"

"Is that  _ all _ that you heard from what I just said?"

They both chuckle and Vanya's heart grows a little lighter from the conversation. It's been so long since she had a proper and fun conversation with one of her siblings. She absolutely misses the days before the competition of training got into their heads.

"I guess I should go," Five mutters and reaches out to Vanya. She didn't even have enough time to react before brushes her bang away to gingerly touch the part of her forehead where she clumsily banged it on the chair. "Take care of yourself, Vanya."

Vanya flushes but before she can get a word out of her mouth, Five steps away and flashes away in a blink of blue light. "So weird," Vanya mutters, bringing a hand up in a daze.

Vanya doesn't think she really remembers what happens after that, but all she could think about was how warm Five's touch was on her skin.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i thought about separating these into two different chapters but it worked very oddly so here it is combined together! thanks for reading:)

 

Vanya cannot stop thinking about him.

 

So much so that she's spent several nights lying awake in bed staring out her window until either her eyes drift close or until the sun begins to light up the sky. It horrible and it's affecting her attention in the day so much so that Grace even asked what was wrong during one of her lessons. Luckily, everyone else is far too busy so notice her tired eyes and spells of nodding off. It's fortunate enough that these past couple of weeks have been exceptionally busy for her siblings even if she didn't know what for. Vanya tries the pills every time the emotions get the better of her whenever she sees or gets close to Five. Which is a lot considering they live together and are near each other in every seating arrangement.

 

 _Take daily as needed._ Her pill label says. Vanya almost scoffs at it, by this point the usual, numbing weight on her chest can no longer counteract the butterflies in her stomach.

 

Vanya sits at the edge of her bed, basking in the morning light shining through her window. She swears that if she closes her eyes, the lingering touch of Five's fingertips ghosts across her forehead. And once again, cue her fluttering heartbeat. Even the simplest thought of Five being so close to her makes Vanya's cheeks blush.

 

She hopes none of the others find out, _especially_ Five. She wouldn't be able to even imagine the reaction that would come out of it. Vanya's just comfortable enough holding her feelings right where they need to be: within herself with no way of getting out. Even if part of her is disappointed that she could never be true to her feelings, _this is for the best._ At least that's what she would tell herself.

 

Suddenly, there's a polite knock at the door, making Vanya jolt out of her thoughts.  "Vanya, dear? Breakfast is in 10 minutes," Grace's muffled voice sounded behind the door.

 

"A-alright, I'll be down soon Mom," Vanya called before sliding on her blazer. With one last check in her mirror, Vanya twisted the doorknob and slipped out of her door. Out of the corner of her eye she can see Grace telling the others about breakfast also.

 

Vanya is jogging down the flights of stairs down to the underground kitchen where breakfast would be. Just before she reaches the bottom step, Vanya's foot slips off the edge sending her weight off-balance and down towards the ground.

 

"Vanya!" She hears someone yell. One moment she's free-falling the last half of the flight of stairs and the next she's in someone's arms. Vanya can't help but clutch her saviors arm for a moment, frazzled from her sudden fall and rescue.

 

"Five-" She breathes, leaning back to see his face. It's flushed but dark with concern and she instantly shuts her mouth at the look of irritation in his eyes.

 

"Could you be more careful at least?" He says sharply, causing Vanya to reel back. His arm is clutching her waist and she can feel his chest heave with each breath. _Far too close._ She thinks.

 

"Well, good morning to you too," She replies hotly, regaining her balance immediately pushing space in between them. Vanya knows her cheeks are red now, but not from embarrassment this time however. She's more angry with Five's sudden sharpness so early in the morning. She slips out of his grasp curtly and continues around him down the stairs with a second glance back.

 

"No 'thank you'?" Five calls, suddenly jogging down next to her. _Can he stop using his spatial jumps for once?_ Their shoulders bump and Vanya immediately steps away as she races down.

 

"'Thank you's are only reserved for people who are polite, Five," Vanya grumbles, trying to walk faster than him.

 

"I just saved you though."

 

"I could have handled myself."

 

"Really?" Five raises an eyebrow at her, "With all the spacing out you do, that's hard to believe."

 

Vanya huffed and pulled out her chair at the table a little rougher than she intends to. "I'm perfectly fine, Five. Thanks for your _concern_."

 

"Oh, am I polite now?" He shoots back, grinning while he sits down in his designated seat to her left.

 

Vanya rolls her eyes instead of answering, choosing instead to focus on the breakfast Grace had laid out before them. She can feel Five sneak glances at her curiously as the rest of her siblings filter into the room tiredly. Ben is clutching a book to his chest as he rubs his eyes tiredly before sitting down to Vanya's right. He mutters a faint 'good morning' before pulling a waffle onto his plate.

 

Vanya nods a hello to Allison as she enters and focuses her attention back on the hash browns on her plate. Just before she takes a bite, she feels a sharp kick to her foot from Five. Vanya jumps in surprise, causing her food to fall off her fork.

 

"Five," Vanya grumbles, shooting a weak glare in his direction. Here she was trying to avoid him as much as possible but he always has to make it so much harder for her, doesn't he?

 

"What?" He replies, grinning innocently.

 

Vanya purses her lips, trying not to smile. _He's ridiculous._ She thinks to herself. _And dumb too._

 

For the rest of breakfast, they spend the time sneaking each other small, secret smiles. Vanya indulges herself in this one moment, selfishly holding it close to her heart before their father comes in to take all of them away.

 

Except her.

 

* * *

 

 

"Are you alright Vanya?"

 

Cold fingers rest gingerly on Vanya's knuckles and she jumps in surprise to see Ben's concerned gaze. It's days later after her near-accident on the stairwell with Five. Right now is their usual Saturday free time where her and some of her siblings spend their time in the library basking in books and the sunlit room. Vanya usually cherishes these moments where she can just take a moment to relax and drift off into a story or two.

 

She blinks for a moment, unsure why he would ask that question. She feels perfectly, ordinarily fine. Vanya gives him a soft smile. "I'm feeling fine Ben, but thank you."  
 

"Are you sure?" His voice picks up a few notches, causing Klaus and Five to perk up slightly. "You've seen so much more spaced out again lately, are you feeling sick?"

 

 _Oh._ Vanya blushes, as much as she loves Ben she can't help but feel so embarrassed at his lack of subtlety in the quiet of the library. Feeling her cheeks burn, she raises her hand slightly to hide her face from her onlookers. How can she tell Ben she's been thinking of Five more often than she'd like to? That everywhere she goes, her eyes always fall on him without her really wanting to? Vanya tries to swallow her anxiety and flounders for an answer that will seem half-decent at the least. "I-I swear, I'm fine. I've just been tired that's all."

 

Out of the corner of Vanya's eye she sees the familiar blink of blue light and Klaus leaving behind his board game to come over to the sofa her and Ben were. She wanted to actually scream at this moment, horribly unused to attention being focused unnecessarily on her. Vanya begins to open her mouth in protest but another set of cool fingertips on her neck immediately stops her.

 

She shivers and swears her body temperature kicks up even more. She knows it's Five but makes a monumental effort to avoid looking at him.

 

"You're warm," He mutters. Vanya can feel his eyes bore into her but at this moment she much rather look at her lap. Which is laughable since all she's been doing these past couple of weeks is stare at Five. He moves his hand to her forehead and Vanya's breath shakes. "More so than normal."

 

"Is that so? That's interesting," Klaus mutters, more so to Ben. But Vanya knows he knows she can hear him.

 

She reaches up to move his hand away, seeing both Ben's and Klaus' eyes begin to twinkle mischievously. _Oh, bother._ Five doesn't move it away, instead continuing to check for her temperature. His fingers have lost their cool touch but it still doesn't help at he's continually _touching_ her. He's never been the one to be the touchy type but lately Vanya's been finding every little thing he does to be nerve-wracking. She scoffs and pushes his hand away a little harsher.

 

"I said I'm fine!" Vanya says irritably, heat no doubt flushing her entire neck and face. _How embarrassing!_ Being seen looking like a tomato, she wouldn't hear the end of it from her family now. Ben and Klaus snicker and Vanya sticks her tongue out at them childishly, causing them to collapse in even more fits of giggles. But Five frowns at her, his hands hangs awkwardly in the air for a moment before falling back to his side.

 

Klaus coughs, a poor attempt at hiding his laughter from the scene in from of him. Ben rolls his eyes but Vanya sees a hint of a smile lifting up the corners of his mouth. Now she's morbidly embarrassed. Ben and Klaus are beginning to catch on already, all her careful plans to keep her infatuation secret was already crumbling in a matter of seconds.

 

She's had enough. The heat from her own skin is irritating and Vanya really wants to just go scream into her pillow. She stands up rather quickly, dizzy with embarrassment and manages to accidentally knock some of the books off the coffee table. Vanya curses at her own inept ability to _stay cool for the love of god_. She's burning everywhere, feeling like her blouse is suddenly too tight for comfort and her hands are shaking as she's mind-numbingly picking up the books and placing them back on the table. She thinks she hears Klaus and Ben say something but Vanya can't hear them over her inner panic.

 

Dying of embarrassment is already horrible enough for Vanya. She wishes that her thoughts and feelings wouldn't confuse her like this, especially concerning everything Five. She's just so _aware_ of him everywhere. Perhaps it would be better that Vanya avoided him but she knows he wouldn't have any of that. Five is the type to constantly start confrontations in order to pursue the things he really wants. If Vanya started shying away from him, he'd just come barreling even more into her life demanding answers and reason. Although she did admire his headstrong attitude, in times like these it really threw her head for a spin.

 

She's almost done putting the books back on the table and run away from the library. Vanya feels faint and colors dance across her eyes but she's determined to get out of this god awful situation before anything else happens.

 

"…anya! Vanya!"

 

A hand snatches at her wrist suddenly, causing her heart to practically leap out of her chest. It's Five and he's saying something urgent to her she can't hear him right now.

 

"I-I'm fine," She muttered out trying to tug her hand away. _Why is she feeling so dizzy all of a sudden?_ "I just, I just need to-"

 

It's too hot, and far too uncomfortable. Something is definitely wrong when the room blurs together and she feels her balance tip over to the side. A muffled scuffle sounds somewhere off to the side and all she can see before she falls are the worried faces of Ben, Klaus, and Five calling for her.

 

 _Strange._ Vanya thinks for a moment. Hazily aware of being cradled in someone's arms and Five holding her cheek. _She's never seen him so worried before._

 

Then everything goes black.

 

* * *

 

 

Five's hands are shaking.

 

It's the first time Five has ever truly been awake this late at night for a reason that doesn't concern either his research on quantum physics or an intense craving for a sugar-loaded, late night snack. He's pacing around in his room, jumpy, his mind warring between what he wants to do and what he should do.

 

 _He wants to go check in on Vanya_. But it's late at night and she's asleep! _But he's absolutely restless until he sees she's alright._ But wouldn't he look like a stalkerish creep in the middle of the night visiting her? _What's the harm in a peek?_

 

Five stops, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. He should just go to sleep and ask her tomorrow. That's what he's supposed to do. But how will he get sleep if he tosses and turns all night worrying about her? Five grumbles under his breath, crossing his arms as he taps his foot impatiently on the ground. A peek…is fine. Just a minute to see if she's alright and then it's back into his room. Simple. Quick. Easy.

 

Finally, he makes up his mind and grabs the handle of his door, creeping out of his room to where Vanya's room was located. His steps are quiet, and occasionally he pauses to listen to the sounds of the house to make sure no one else was awake at this hour. The house is deathly silent, aside from the soft breathing and sleepy murmurs of his siblings.

 

When he appears in front of Vanya's room, Five's knuckles are almost white from clenching them to stop his shaking. He looks up and down her door, a frown marring his face. The door that stands before him is smaller than the rest of his siblings. Squished into the wall like it was decidedly built there last minute unlike him and the rest of his siblings whom occupied spacious rooms with more than enough room to move around in. But Five knows that Vanya's room is the smallest, which is why she preferred spending time in his room instead of hers. The issue was he didn't anticipate how small her room actually was.

 

Five turns the knob of her door slowly and opens it just slightly only for it to bump into something on the other side of the door. His heart stops for a second, fearful of any sound that might wake her or anyone else up. A few beats go by and Five doesn't hear anything out of the ordinary besides the rapid beats of his heart. Swiftly, he slides into her room and shuts her door without a sound.

 

"Vanya," He breathes in relief, mostly to himself.

 

Moonlight filters in from her window and Five can see her petite frame lying still on her bed. She looks practically unreal in this light with her dark hair fanning out across her pillow. She's kicked off her thin blanket, probably in a fit of her sleep and exposing her legs to the cool air. Five feels his nails dig into his palms in order to control himself to _behave_.

 

He glances down to see that her violin case was the one that had kept the door from opening all the way and he crouches to shift it out of the way. Standing once again, he tiptoes around to the side of her bed. He is extra careful to not touch anything, avoiding the obstacles that comes with moving in such tight quarters.

 

He peers down at Vanya, admiring her sleeping face as her chest rises and falls with every gentle breath. All at once, Five feels his mind already quieting down at the sight of her. It's almost still in her room, the only sounds filling his ears were the ceiling fan clicking weakly and faint sounds of the city street far away. The breeze from her open window lightly rustles the papers on her desk but all Five can do at this moment is admire how relaxed she appearances while asleep.

 

Reaching out, he softly brushes the bangs away from her eyes. "Vanya," He whispers, barely audible. "You worry me too much."

 

Without thinking, Five leans over Vanya and trails his fingertips down the curve of her face. Her skin is warm but not as  hot as it was previously. _A good sign_. A sign that she's much better than before. But Five is frustrated. He wants to touch her more but he can't risk waking her. He wishes he could run his fingers through her hair, hold her like he means it and-

 

Vanya sighs in her sleep, turning slightly towards Five's touch. He holds his breath, mind blank but his heart racing a mile a minute. But her eyes don't open and part of him is relieved. He glances at her left hand lays next to her head, half open but a temptation nonetheless.

 

Five promised himself only a glimpse. A simple check-in and the check-out so he could sleep peacefully. But being in her small room like this, surrounded by _her_ and nearly dizzy with the smell of her perfume lingering in the air, Five's mind is muddled.

 

 _Just one look._ Five tells himself. _One look and_ ** _go_** _._

 

But for this one instance, he didn't want to listen to whatever the logical part of him was saying.

 

Five slides his right hand into her left, intertwining them. His chest feels like bursting with his heart racing a mile a minute now that he finally has his hand in hers. Heat crawls up his neck but he barely pays it any regard. His left hand dips the bed on the other side as he rests his weight there. Before he knows it, his shadow falls across her sleeping face and he presses his shaking lips to hers.

 

His hand curls instinctively around her and his heart beats so fast he swears his chest might burst at any moment. Vanya's lips are soft and pliant underneath him. It's everything he ever imagined and more honestly. The feel of Vanya beneath him strikes a fire within himself that he wrestles to control. Five wants to stay this way but inside he knows he should go. Just as Five begins to slowly pull away, he swears he feels Vanya press closer to his lips.

 

Five jerks away from her, heart dropping deep into his stomach from panic as he realizes _shit, has she been awake this entire time?_

 

His hand is still within hers however and he makes to move to detach from her. Especially when she squeezes ever so lightly and nuzzles closer to their conjoined hands. Five is panicking in this moment, staring at her face to see if she truly will open her eyes and realize that he's there.

 

What if she did? How would he explain himself? How would he explain them holding hands, for god's sake?

 

But she doesn't wake up.

 

Vanya hums in her sleep softly, pressing her face into the pillow.

 

"Five…" She sighs, her lips curling into a small smile.

 

Silently, Five swears up and down at what just happened. He slips his hand out of her grasp and holds it to his rapidly beating heart. His mind is reeling. Out of all the things she could be dreaming of, Vanya is dreaming about _him_. He's eager to know exactly what she's dreaming about but that's far too invasive. Though his curiosity is peaked nonetheless. In the back of his mind, he hopes that Vanya dreams about him the same way he constantly thinks of her.

 

Five glances down at her sleeping face, memorizing every line of the picture before him. He's tempted to kiss her again but knows that he's already done more enough. _He can't have her like this. Not today. Not ever._

 

He repeats his mantra in his head as he reaches for Vanya's blanket, kicked at the edge of the bed. Five tucks her in softly, taking care not to wake her. He wants so badly to stay, to see her when she wakes up at the break of dawn. He wants to see her open her eyes and see only him the first thing in the morning.

 

But that's only a fantasy.

 

Once Five drags the blanket to her chin and smooths Vanya's fringe out of her eyes, she breathes a sign with her lips parting ever so slightly. It takes everything in him to not stay. Five reluctantly stands up from her bed and takes one long last look before slipping out of her room.

 

He doesn't go to bed for hours after, thinking about Vanya's lip and whatever possible dreams she could be having.

**Author's Note:**

> this was more of a warm-up piece for me to start getting into the groove of writing so its extremely plain but i hope to more scenes that'll add to a semi-coherent multi-chapter buildup of their relationship. anyway thanks for taking the time to read this if you did!


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